How do I feel?

Currently I feel shocking! I haven’t written for a while and that is because I can’t run anymore. The reason I can’t run is because my body just doesn’t want to. In the last two years I have really really tried but in the end my body has always beaten me. I am not going to play the victim because that isn’t what I am. What I do want to do is understand what has gone wrong.

Last month everything came to a head. Despite walking over 20,000 steps a day and continuing Zoom sessions at the gym during lockdown my body just wasn’t getting better. Every day my bones ached, my muscles felt weak and I had sciatica in my back and hips that just kept getting worse. I had paid money for deep tissue treatment to work on knots and tension in my muscles on the left hand side which helped but overall I continued to decline. I have gained weight, my teeth and gums were sore and I had developed open sores on my feet.

In desperation I contacted my GP convinced I was starting the menopause. A few tests later and I was told I have a severe Vitamin D deficiency and signs of osteoarthritis in my hips and spine. Great, I thought, I will just take my prescribed high dose and soon I will feel better again! I mean it can just be an over the counter supplement after all. How wrong was I. The more I read and understood about Vitamin D deficiency the more made sense and healing is not an easy fix.

I am currently 4 weeks into treatment and I have never felt more exhausted. I sleep heavily every night but wake up more tired. My body tingles all over and I cannot keep up with my steps and training in the gym makes me so much more fatigued. Yesterday I just cried while my gums and teeth ached in my head.

Here comes the sun

I have however made a decision. I need to get better. If it means sleeping and reducing down my exercise to the minimum then so be it. I feel as though the tingling I feel in every part of my body is a swarm of tiny microbes collecting the high dose of vitamin D and distributing it to the parts that need fixing. Like an army working hard in my body. I feel like I am exhausted because they are working tirelessly 24/7 to fix me and so the rest of me needs to rest to let them do their job.

In my whole life I have never felt like this before. It is like my whole body is inflamed. So I need to help it. I am no longer counting calories or watching what I eat. I am however putting in goodness and focussing on health. Food sources of vitamin D are salmon and mackerel, eggs and mushrooms amongst others. I am also eating a variety of fruit and veg to feed my gut and improve my well being.

Something else I have refocused on is mindfulness. During the worst parts of this time I have suffered with anxiety and depression. A fear of what was happening to me. I turned to mindfulness to help me focus and continue forward. Now I am using it to help me heal.

As the summer progresses I am hopeful that the sun will come out more and I can achieve optimal natural vitamin D levels. As I continue to rest and improve I will try and be patient with myself and my family who want me to do more than I can right now. Overall I will listen to my body, push when I feel I can and stop before I go too far.

I am getting back on here to write about me and how I feel. I may not be running anymore but right now I feel like my body is enduring an internal marathon. I hope you can help me get to the finish line.



    • They are definitely on my radar too. The GP tested me for a wide range of hormones and confirmed only my Vit D was severely low. It is unbelievable how important it is and that we should all be taking it particularly in the winter. I hope you are well 🙂

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