When I booked these days of annual leave I had big plan. I always have plans. In the past a fortnight like this would see me achieve big things. Once I have the time and the energy I can be pretty determined. I once took off a week and dug over, Top soiled and sowed a front lawn (see below). Once I was superwoman. Anything that needed physical effort or getting your hands dirty didn’t scare me. So my current injury is holding me back and to add insult to injury I have now picked up the monkeys hideous bug. What did I do to deserve this?
I miss walking
As if it is bad enough not running, my foot injury stops me walking too. This means any walking. Walking to the park, round the block, to school, to the postbox. Mr LMR wants to go to the beach on the train at the weekend and all I can think about is how much it is going to effect my foot.
Every short walk extends recovery time. But not using it is impossible. I did a day of household jobs on Monday. Laundry, carrying and picking up, up and down the stairs. My foot was aching by bedtime. Factor in the weekly shop, walks to and from the car on the school run or the monkeys activities. I feel trapped by this injury and my life is making it all so much worse. I’m reassured that it is healing but slowly. Painfully slowly.
one step at a time back from injury
I think I feel this so much more intensely because I have always been a doer. Everything is a puzzle to be solved, a challenge to overcome. I’ll be honest, at the minute, this challenge feels impossible. I try not to press the physiotherapist who is treating me about time frames for recovery as the answer is always the same. “It is getting better” “once it is better, we’ll take it one step at a time.”
It isn’t just about getting on my bike to get running. It’s everything. I went to IKEA yesterday, whilst feeling pretty ropey, because I couldn’t waste my days off. The Monkey House needed more storage to make my life easier. I went alone and managed perfectly well to stay focused on not buying stuff I didn’t really need. Well apart from a new cheese grater, some bowls, a bendy chopping board and a straw hat. (It was only £1.50.)
then it just kept slipping sideways
I was doing alright until I got to the flat pack collection point. Firstly I had to change trolleys as the furniture I wanted was bigger than I expected (isn’t it always?). Once I had my new trolley I couldn’t find a helper so had to load the trolley on my own. The trolleys have no breaks do they? Or do they and I am too incompetent to find them? Because my trolley had no breaks it became impossible to load. Every time I tried to push the unbelievably heavy box into the trolley is started to slowly roll away. I braced it against the other aisle but it then began slipping sideways.
I got the first box on at last then moved on to box 2. A member of staff found me 20 minutes later, my trolley having slowly slipped from location 6 to 27, being pursued by a hot and perspiring, humiliated me. The lovely Ikea staff member had clearly encountered this scenario before and assisted me to load my trolley without batting an eyelid. By the time I had then manoeuvred the trolley through check out, back to the car and unloaded it, my injury was agony. I drove home under a cloud. Cursing myself for being so impatient and foolish.
I am beyond help
That night I redressed the injury and elevated it. I felt my trip to Ikea everywhere. Today, I crashed. I had Little Miss with me so visited friends. By lunch time I was exhausted. Little Miss fell asleep in the car so I called her Nanna and asked if she would take her for the afternoon. I came home, had lunch, cleaned the kitchen then climbed into bed. (I couldn’t even leave the kitchen, I’m beyond help.)
Why is it so difficult to rest? I mean I know my injury is in the worst possible place to rest it. Unless I just stopped moving until it heals. Giving up and permanently going to bed isn’t an option unfortunately. Why do I think I have to do it all? What is the worst that will happen? I just feel so restricted by this injury. Even the everyday is impossible. Tomorrow I am on my own at home and I have every intention to rest, rest, rest. There is no choice.
I am fairly confident that most of my posts are starting to get a bit repetitive. I’m sorry if my injury is boring you all now. Trust me it is beyond tedious for me these days. I promise I will use my time resting to cook up something new.