Today I had an “I can’t do this anymore” kind of day. Little Miss Monkey was up between 12 and 2.30 last night. At one point I got back into bed and refused to get up again because I was so tired and angry. Shouting expletives into the darkness did not help. I’m not sure why I thought it would. I needed superhero strength to get through today.
Sometimes it can be really crap
Luckily work wasn’t busy today, because I slept in by nearly an hour. I just couldn’t monkey manage either. My brain so tired, I just couldn’t get them all organised. But I made it though. Smile carefully painted on, once they were all dropped off safely. Then I ate too much cake and drank too much coffee at the Macmillan coffee morning thing, so I just felt sick and tired for most of the afternoon. Thankfully Friday is my early finish for the monkey school run. It isn’t a luxury, but a responsibility and a blessing. Which I try not to take for granted, even though sometimes it can be really crap. like yesterday when I spent twenty five minutes on the side of the road whilst Top and Middle Monkey argued about whose turn it was to sit in the front seat with me.
Today’s school run drama was a trip to the dentist. The big ones collected safely, Little Miss plucked early from nursery then off to battle the post school traffic. Half way there, Middle decided he didn’t like the dentist anymore. After a brief attempt at negotiating and reassuring him I chose to just repeat “I don’t care, I don’t care” over and over. This didn’t help. No surprise there then.
Just to give me time to breathe
Little Miss, who was due a nap, screamed all the way to the dentist, then screamed and cried and climbed all over me to get away from the dentist once we got in the chair. She then screamed all the way home again. She finally fell asleep as we pulled up on to the drive. I left her to sleep in the car for ten minutes, just to give me time to breath and get the other two in and tea underway. Don’t worry, she was safe, out of direct sunlight and in full view with the front door left open.
Anything to keep going
Despite wanting to leave her longer, I knew Little Miss would never sleep tonight, so I woke her. The screaming began again. I managed to get a fruit smoothie into her. A quick hit to take the edge off the hunger. The screaming was curbed and half a spag bol eaten. The black mood continued until I managed to get out of my work clothes and feed her myself. Twenty five minutes, both boobs. Monkey iPad hour a total saviour. I lay there on the bed. Exhausted, frustrated. Little Miss sapping the last of my patience. No sign of Mr LMR and the older monkey’s iPad hour quickly running out.
“I don’t want to keep going” I thought. “What choice do I have?” “None” yelled my conscience. I kept going. Bath run, Monkeys washed and pyjamed. In the Night Garden on, ten minutes more iPad as a reward for good Monkey behaviour and more peace for me. Anything to keep going.
On my way. Takeaway?
Finally a text arrived from Mr LMR. “On my way. Takeaway? My treat.” “I love you” I thought.
So here I am. I made it. Monkeys asleep. The takeaway is here being dished up by Mr LMR. Having one last “I love you really cuddle” from Little Miss. We all survived and for everything that went wrong, other things went right. These are the days I threaten that “I’m off to join the circus”. A pointless threat as the reality is I already live there. The days that I could either laugh or cry. It is anyone’s guess which way I could go. But this great adventure of parenthood is not about it all being perfect all of the time. It’s about coping under pressure, thinking on your feet and, despite some shouting, sighing and eye rolling, knowing that those monkeys still love you by bedtime.