I didn’t know I wanted a baby girl until I got one. As mother to two boys, everyone was obsessed with me having a girl while I was pregnant with BM. Throughout the nine months, I didn’t really think about it either way. Her arrival into our lives however, changed everything. Most of all she changed me.
Eating cake and drinking tea
At the time of writing, one year ago, I was sat in a cafe with friends eating cake and drinking tea. I was having regular, manageable contractions and feeling relaxed. Seven hours later I was a mother to a baby daughter.
My baby girl made a dramatic and speedy entrance to the world. Waters breaking, sudden upsurge in contractions, blood in the water, mad dash to the hospital, undignified internal exam in the hospital car park, raced to the delivery suite kneeling backwards in a wheelchair. BM was born within 15 minutes of my arrival into the delivery suite. Less than an hour from my waters breaking at home. In fact I had no time to remove my new hot pink birkenstocks before she was out. It crossed my mind, moments before delivery, to kick them off, but there was no time. With an emergency c section and a difficult vbac behind me, the ease with which BM was born was surprising. No time for pain relief, discounting one puff of gas and air, I can recall almost every detail.
You can love them equally but differently
No time to get on to the bed (thankfully) BM was delivered behind me. Her cord was cut on my back. Mr LMR taking ages over the task. Wrapped in a towel, fresh from my tummy, she was placed on the bed in front of me. Then I wept. I buried my head in her little body and I cried. Tears of joy and relief. Suddenly overwhelmed by a huge sense of responsibility for her.
As I mother, I am a believer that you can love all of your children equally but differently. They hold an equal share in my heart, but their personalities require different styles of application. Wether it is pushing them harder to achieve what they are capable of or praising their achievements, it is all a sign of my love. I love my boys as I love their sister, but the emotions I felt that day were so different.
Seeing her future
As I looked into the face of my baby girl for the first time, I felt the weight of her future, heavy on my shoulders. As a mother to boys, there are emotions and experiences they will have that I could never experience or understand. In the face of their sister, I felt the raw emotions that I felt growing up. The changes her body would make, the heartaches and pains. The joys and achievements.
To my baby girl, my last born, I would be friend, guide, teacher, disciplinarian and mother. In her first moments, I solidified my pledge to her. To be by her side to fight her corner, to teach her respect for herself and others, to help her to be independent and strong, to learn humility and empathy when required. To achieve this all I needed to do was demonstrate it through my own actions.
Smitten since day one
I started this blog to motivate myself to be the best that I could be. To teach all of my monkeys the worth of looking after yourself both body and mind. Not to mention finding the funny side of life on the hardest of days.
As a third child, BM has plenty of love around her. Her brothers have been smitten since day one. Caring and gentle some of the time, they mostly teach her about resilience in the face of boisterous play. She is fierce in her abilities already. Never fazed by a knock or being flattened when she, unintentionally, wanders into the path of a play fight.
BM regularly tunes out their noise, joins in the shouty games and laughs hysterically at their antics. The older monkeys, help feed her and protect her. Although, they have been known to wander off with the pushchair whilst I am distracted, locking up the house or paying at the till.
I will be your mother
So today, on her first birthday, I reaffirm my pledge to my beautiful baby girl. To stand by her side and help her find her way. I will support her and always try to listen to what she has to say. To be her guide, her teacher and her friend. Most of all, I will be her mother and all that this brings for both of us.
Little Miss Monkey
Now, in honour of BM no longer being a tiny baby, I have decided to rename her on my blog. As a mark of my respect for her growing and changing. This name is due to her emerging sense of humour, and her new determination to cause chaos wherever she goes. So from now on BM will be my Little Miss Monkey (LMM) Also known as Little Miss Mischief.
Happy birthday Little Miss. I will always be grateful for you in my world, whatever mischief you send my way.